What is it about funerals?

I am just back from attending a funeral for someone i didn’t know, i was there to support my wife and her best friend, who is the brother of the deceased.

The thing is, during the service my mind went for a stroll down my own mortality and i found myself thinking about my own funeral, and running through what i would like done to mark my passing.

As a shamanic practitioner and Pagan, i want something that reflects me and my beliefs, so i found myself thinking of a drumming guard of honour up the aisles, or, more fitting for me, a drumming guard of honour leading up to a large pyre with me placed on the top of it. It would be somewhere out in nature, a quiet place, near a river with friends and family drumming or shaking rattles as i was carried in and laid on the pyre before it is lit.

It should be a celebration of my life, not a sterile “well, he was born in 1964, lived, married and died, thanks for coming”. That would do an injustice to my Spirit. Now, i am not saying i am above anyone else, far from it, but there is so much more to a life than just the “physical data” that can be looked up in a book or records.

What made me tick, what are my foibles and idiosyncrasy’s, the things that drive me, those are the sorts of things i would like remembered at my funeral. 

Music. Music is important to me, i can be moved by music, so there will be passages of my favourite songs. Ride of the Valkyries will definitely feature, probably as the pyre is lit, “to let them know that i am coming and they had better be ready”

all of this went racing through my mind as i sat through the service today.

What is it about funerals? and am i the only one who plans his own funeral while attending someone else’s?

The Handbook of TOP TIPS to Manage Your Writing

Just a quick mention for Andrew Marsh’s new book The Handbook of TOP TIPS to Manage Your Writing now available on Kindle

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handbook-TIPS-Manage-Writing-ebook/dp/B00DMD95YY or

http://www.amazon.com/Handbook-TIPS-Manage-Writing-ebook/dp/B00DMD95YY.

The tables in the book can be read better in his blog http://wp.me/p3dY0e-8Y and it flows better with the blog due to formatting styles in Kindle

still well worth a look and very cheap too……..

What have we become? – Part 1

The “idea” for this blog had been in my head for a while, but a spontaneous light bulb moment late last night meant that i had to write down the bones of it.

(Incidentally, writing those spontaneous ideas down in a notebook is one of the TOP TIPS in my new book available on Kindle

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handbook-TIPS-Manage-Writing-ebook/dp/B00DMD95YY)

What have we become?

On the face of it, we would like to think that we, that is MAN the species, not Man the gender are an advanced life form able to create, make and prosper from great technological advances. This may be the airplane, trains, rockets to the Moon, or at a more individual level, having some gadget strapped to our hands that wires us into “everything else” yet, we have no idea where we are going. By looking down at these hand held “things” we are ignoring the beauty and wonder around us.

Stupid isn’t it?

Very stupid and very sad.

We, and i sort of mean the “civilized ones of us in the West” have become so disassociated from ourselves, our families and our communities that we are walking zombies trudging or rushing around looking down all the time.

If the current state of affairs continues for much longer, we shall have 2 generations of zombies and the hope for Mankind to advance to a better more peaceful and ecological state will be lost forever.

Frightening? I should say so, bloody scary if you ask me.

Family – what is it to you?

I find this to be an interesting question, what is family to you?

On the face if it, it is a simple answer, those who are your parents, children, aunts, uncles, grandparents and so on. But is that really the case? because you cannot chose your genetic family. They are related to you, simple as that.

For many of you, that family is a wonderful supportive, close nit family in the true sense of the meaning, a gift that is treasured by all of the family. But for many, family can be the cause of and melting pot to a host of troubles that scar the individual from a very early age for the rest of their lives.

So, does a person have any other family?

For me, yes, most definitely yes and without them, I would have left this existence a long time ago. In August 2003 as a scared, frightened and very confused man, I walked into a writers’ conference in Derbyshire and found family. A family of writers who are far more than just people, a group of people or even writers.

In that space, I was me, the true me, or at least the start of the person that I am supposed to be and not the person who is living up, or down to the expectations of others. My life up until then had been driven by “doing what I should do because of who I was supposed to be” but that person was not me. At that conference people looked on me as a writer, a novice writer most certainly, but I was welcomed with open arms into a family that supported, encouraged and wanted the best for me as a writer and a person.

I found myself able to sit next to someone who had published over 100 books and talk to them about writing. Just little old me with a publishing history of nil, being engaged with someone interested in my writing and willing, able and wanting to offer any help they can to see me on my way as a writer.

That to me is family.

I have another family, one I walked into at the end of 2007, up a narrow staircase to a room full of people dressed as themselves in all their magnificence. For that was the day I started my Shamanic Training and the family and community of shamanic practitioners and shaman whom I love.

I am just back from a weekend gathering of some of my shamanic practitioner friends, in the open, in a field near Glastonbury and they are a true family. They are always there, with love, support or a good kick up the backside whenever it is needed or wanted. I would not be writing this blog without my help from friends in Circle, wherever they may be.

The family one is born into is one with which we have no choice, but the family we walk with on our path and the choices we make along the way is what defines us as people.

May you all continue to walk in the light.

First Impressions – a valuable lesson

I attend my doctors regularly for acupuncture on my back and given the time of day and what is needed to be done in the surgery, she frequently runs late attending patients.

On one such visit a few weeks ago, the surgery was busy with mums and toddlers and all sorts of other people and while I was looking out of the window, I saw a young man his hand in his pockets with his hoody up walking across the car park to join our little gathering.

My heart sank. “Not another ned reeking of fags and booze,” I thought.

The young man came in, threw back his hoodie and sat sort of opposite me and stretched out.

The TV was on in the surgery and a quiz show was on. He remarked about how someone got a question wrong and that started us talking.

Oh how wrong I was.

He was about to go into the Army and he and his fiance were getting married in a couple of weeks and had to re-arrange things to be married before he went off to the Army.

We had a very pleasant chat about all sorts of things, his hopes and so on for going into the forces and so on.

Finally I was called in and by the time I returned, he had gone.

So, I would like to offer an apology to that young man, wherever you are, I failed myself as a human being and in failing myself, I failed you as well.

It just goes to show that first appearances may not always be what they appear. My “judgement” was just that, a judgement that was so very wrong.

Maybe next time someone approaches you are appears to you in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, it should be you who thinks for a minute about why you feel that way, when the other person has done nothing to warrant any form of judgement at all.

I felt pretty stupid and juvenile for a while because I judged someone before they had even had the chance to inter act with me.

A valuable lesson learned.

The Power Of Words

The “idea” for this blog has been in my head for a long time, gathering, amassing, filtering and finally forming into some sort of coherent form. There will be many parts to it, how many? I do not know, but it will develop and grow until the idea has been released fully.

At the most basic level, two words lie at the heart of any form of communication, Yes and No. These are very simple words with no ambiguity, just two statements of opinion, fact, agreement to or not agreement to. What can possibly be wrong with that? The two words are diametrically opposed, surely communication involving Yes and No should be simple and straight forward?

So much. So very much.

Consider a simple contract to do some gardening for someone. Should be straight forward. But even that can be fraught with the potential for misinterpretation.

“I thought you only wanted the grass cut?”

“No, I wanted the edges trimmed and the grass taken away as well.”

“Well, you didn’t say that before.”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Now with that example, a simple written contract should and could have sorted out the problem by defining the work in clear and unambiguous means beforehand. But I bet you know of an example of something as simple as that has led to conflict.

Try this one, a family situation on a lovely sunny Saturday.

“The forecast says it will be a lovely day tomorrow, shall we go and take the children to their grans?”

“I’d rather not.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“But I said I would a few weeks ago and we still haven’t been.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But I told you at the time.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I did, I bloody well did.”

This example could lead to a significant family argument based, in its simplest terms with the difference or perceived difference between Yes and No.

At international level, a world leader saying “Yes” or “No” could set forth events that will change the path of mankind for a generation or more. It could lead to war between Nations, it could destroy whole civilisations and ways of life. This is more than quite an alarming outcome for two simple words. How could events develop that such dramatic consequences could result from saying a two letter word or three letter word?

I am sure we can all think of a situation developing between a man and a women, say in a bar, Yes and No should be quite clear and unambiguous, yet, an hour or so later physical acts between them can be grossly misunderstood and harm, trauma and life scaring events can ensue, but how? And perhaps more importantly, why? Yes and No are poles apart, how can it all become so muddled?

The Power Of Words shall continue…..

What a difference a day makes.

I had a bad day yesterday.

I was not feeling well, I had been told to stop my medication for a while and yesterday, well, I suppose I was in a cold turkey sort of place.

Labarynthitis, a very bad headache and general all round feeling crap brought me down. I had severely depressing thoughts in the bath last night and those thoughts not to be thought came rising back and decided to stay for a few hours. On top of that, I haven’t slept properly for ages and the severe night sweats make bedtime very uncomfortable.

I still felt crap this morning until just after I got up, the first ever episode of Star Trek Enterprise was being shown. I hadn’t seen the first episode before and I just fell back into that happy place as soon as the title music came on.

I found myself smiling again.

The sun is beaming through the windows and I feel a lot better than yesterday.

The precipice was calling yesterday, it wasn’t a nice place to be.

Maybe today will be a better place, I have crappy stuff to do today, but I might just find a way to do it with a smile rather than a frown.

The pitfalls of having a long term illness

Days blend into one another and sometimes you only know something has changed when the TV schedule changes, must the the weekend then. Such a sad indictment on modern day living.  I don’t watch the TV much, it is just full of crap, reality TV shows and ways to make you an instant star so long as you are prepared to leave your dignity at the stage door.

Sleep, now that is an interesting one, sleep patterns are poor, that is to say it is difficult getting to sleep and I frequently wake in the night, hot, sweaty, uncomfortable. Turn over, try to drop off again in the cold sweaty sheets. wake early, get up, so that I do not disturb my wife, who has worse sleep patterns than a sloth.

Extreme night sweats on top of everything else, not good, not good at all.

Lethargy, lack of drive, unable to nap, just awake and no more.

The labarynthitis is particularly bad today, swaying about and stumbling like a drunk, does anyone care, no.

I have been waiting for an appointment to see the spine specialist for ages, having seen two orthopedic consultants and they pass me on to someone else. 

No date yet.

More pain to deal with today.

Waiting for others to “do” something so that I can act upon it and “do” something myself. I have been learning to be patient and I am skunnered with it. how much longer than nearly four years is long enough to wait.

Maybe I set my goals too high, maybe my goals are unrealistic, but the good I could do for others when my goals come to fruition, now that will be a good day, but until then, more pain. No magic wand can help this, although help from them will be appreciated.

Few people even care about those who are long term ill, but look like they could run around a park for the day. If only my illnesses had a distinct physical manifestation, you know, my arm was falling off, blood was gushing from a gaping axe wound to the head, but no, mine are the invisible illnesses, the ones that no one sees and no one cares about.

The brink is not far, shall I take a peak over the edge?

Is there a “next”?

I sit here, having been rudely and royally hacked off by this machine, that whether by design, circumstance or it is a Sunday afternoon and its gone all religious on me, has decided to delete every time I am ready to post a post.

Eventually, after 5 attempts, I managed to get my low FODMAP recipe for Pizza on my FODMAPANDUS blog. Have a look, it is really nice with a good wholesome crispy base to boot.

Anyway, that wasn’t the point of this blog, and I am not really sure there is one, other than I have occasionally been thinking about “what happens next?” and indeed, if there is a thing that can be pinned down as “next?”

I am sure that whatever your political persuasion, there are things that really grab you and annoy you at the moment. From the big world things, like is the situation in Syria going to ease or escalate into decades of civil type war? or third party intervention type war? No guesses for who the third party might be.

Then there is what is going on in this country, i can hardly call it “a fair country” anymore, because fairness went out of the window a long time ago. People on benefit being denied basic human rights to meet a target because a few years ago some group of irresponsible mega millionaire bankers gave mortgages to people who had no jobs, no income and no means to pay. And gave themselves millions in bonus’s just for laughs.

Iceland has the right idea, it has put its bankers in jail where they should rot. In the UK, we give them knighthoods and directorships on quangos that are responsible to no one.

Britain has been over-run with mediocrity and there is very little “fair” about it.

It will be general election time in about 2 years from now, give or take a major falling out or two between the coalition partners, and the people of this country will get to chose where it goes from here.

Does it re-elect the major party in power? Or do the people go back to the people who were in power spending money we didn’t have and didn’t control the bankers in the first place. Does the minor coalition party get blasted out of the water and just becomes a localized minority party?

I do not know, but I do care. I care that as we sit here waiting for those two years to pass, at some point someone is going to have to grow some balls and give the people of this country the say in whether we wish to remain in Europe. It is a very long way since Britain joined the Common Agricultural Policy in 1974 I believe.

39 Years and we are now ruled by Europe.

Back to the main point of this rambling nonsense.

Is there a “Next” and what happens when that “Next” comes into being?

What is it?

Who will be responsible for it?

Who will be accountable for it?

What happens next……. in some way that is up to us, or so we would like to think.

But is it really?

Do “WE” actually count anymore?

What happens next?